Regrets for lost time

I always dread those calls from SWSNBN (She Who Will Not Be Named) or my ex-wife or banshee bitch. Because after the “Sorry to bother you” then comes “You need to speak to your son”. Now the question that always comes to my mind is what am I supposed to do from 1,000 miles away? Ummm, you’re the mother, you ground him and then call me stating what the punishment is and by the way “YES YOU ARE BOTHERING ME!”.

A little background on my son. He is special needs when he was a month old he got sick and almost died. He didn’t have oxygen to his brain for awhile and it stunted or delayed his mental growth. On top of that he has ADHD and a one track mind that once he gets fixated on something forget it.

Also when I was married I was the enforcer, I would get home from work while SWSNBN ate shit all day and I would hear the A,B,C’s of what the kids (son) did wrong and I would be the one to punish them, then she would come behind me a cut my nuts off by telling them “Oh, your dad is just tried and he didn’t mean to yell at you” Mind you, we lived with my parents and they would always hear her screaming like a banshee at them.

So yesterday my son decided to take his PSP to school and didn’t feel like doing any work. So SWSNBN grounded him from his PSP and laptop for 3 weeks (Lets see if it is 3 weeks). She tells me he is out of control and blah, blah, blah and that I need to talk to him. So he gets on the phone and I ask him why he is acting that way and threaten his sister and silence…..Again……silence. I ask him what’s wrong and he goes off about some game we played for 5 minutes during Christmas…Focus son!

I ask him if SWSNBN boyfriend (poor guy) is nice to him and treats him good and he says yes. This is good for the poor guy, cuz if he ever hurt my kids a horde of zombies would be a peaceful death compared to me… Sorry got sidetracked.

As I am talking to him telling him I love him and what him to protect his sister and do good in school, I start to look back at all the time I missed with them. Cherish the time you have is such a true statement. At the time I thought work and school were more important and that my kids would always be there. Also it didn’t help that for the last few years of my marriage I hated to be in the same room as banshee bitch.

I have told my kids that I didn’t divorce them, just their mother and I ask for them to tell me their feelings again silence…… So are getting off the phone with him and balling my eyes out for like 15 minutes all I have is regrets of not spending more time with them when they were younger. I know that as they get older they will not see me as the bad guy or monster that SWSNBN has made me out to be. But it still hurts to be far away from them.

The good thing is that I will see them for a week in March and hopefully bond with them some more.